


Eulogy

by Dr_Fumbles



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-28 02:22:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22626262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dr_Fumbles/pseuds/Dr_Fumbles
Summary: Because we never got a proper good-bye for Elizabeth Weir, and her death always breaks my heart because she died alone.
Kudos: 10





	Eulogy

**Author's Note:**

> I suggest listening to Max Richter's "On the Nature of Daylight" while reading this. Not only does it time in almost perfectly, it will just break your heart along the way.

_Where are you going, Janus?_  
_To be with her. It’s almost the end._  
_You cannot interfere._  
_I am not interfering. She’s given up everything to save Atlantis. The least we can do is not let her die alone._

~~~A~~~

_My name is Dr Elizabeth Weir. And before I died, I was the leader of the most extraordinary human expedition ever undertaken. I crossed the universe with the bravest people I’d ever known, to a galaxy millions of light years from home, to the lost city of Atlantis. I was there the day she rose from seabed again to reclaim her place in the human story. Without knowing it, though, we also awoke the ghosts of an Ancient past._

  
_**“Go!”**_  
Ronon was a soldier. He could follow orders. He grabbed his commanding officer and he went.  
Now he stood in the office, her office, silently helping Teyla to take Elizabeth’s items from her desk, to place them in the box. As if that box could hold a tenth of who and what that woman truly was. Whoever was to sit at this desk next would not, and could not, replace Elizabeth Weir. Despite her doubts, she had allowed him to stay, had made a home for him, and now she was gone.  
He would have died for her, but that was not the order.  
And maybe there are times when he should not just follow an order.

_It was the most beautiful place I had ever seen. Stained glass colored every room as the sun shone through the window, and at night every surface seemed to glow with the desire to be touched again by human hands. Arched ceilings and illuminated texts could hardly begin to tell the story of this magical place. I could stand on the balcony and watch the ocean waters play against the docks for hours, singing a new song with each collision between water and steel. This was my home. This was my heaven._

  
Teyla cried. She was not someone who frequently gave over to tears. But they would not stop this time.  
Holding Elizabeth’s watch – her father’s watch – she wished for just one more late evening with Elizabeth, one more cup of tea, one more story about the past, about the Ancestors, about Earth.  
Who would share her burden now? Where would she find another Atlantean leader who also understood caring for her people more than life itself? Elizabeth had been her friend, had understood her in ways no one else on Atlantis did. There would never be another friend like her.  
Tonight she would make the tea, would go through the same ceremony of passing, and meditate upon the hole that had formed in her heart. Tonight she would do it without witness. But maybe, on another night, she would invite their friends together, to commemorate the extraordinary life of Elizabeth Weir with her, and share their common stories.  
For now, though, she needed to mourn alone. And in the morning, when she rose, the needs of the city would be her first thought.

  
_On Atlantis, it was like the past and the future were always filling your every moment, constantly blurring the present. Every new discovery held such promise for the future, but you also knew those artifacts were impossibly old, keys to our shared past. It was almost too much to pause for breath lest something pass you by. Every day could be like living a lifetime; and for some of my people, the price of that discovery was the end of a life's time._

  
The dark car that pulled in front of Mrs Weir’s residence bore two slightly tattered American flags on the front hood, and somehow, someway, she knew.  
The general in dress uniform she didn’t know, but the chaplain she did, and Katherine Weir found the wicker chair behind her so that she could sit. And wait. Wait for them to finish walking up the drive, so that they could tell her that her little girl was gone and she now alone in the world. What really hurt, though, was that she had not seen her daughter in nearly a year, and could not remember the length of her hair the last time she saw her. Had Elizabeth cut it into shorter curls again? Or had length pulled it into straight tresses? Katherine Weir cried because she could not remember what her daughter looked like the last time she saw her. She was left with only the bright memory of a happy little girl, and the hazy image of a serious young woman.  
The dog Sedgewick placed a heavy chin on her knee and keened softly. Even Sedge knew.

  
_My mother. My poor mother. I could not tell her about Atlantis. I could not tell her where I disappeared to years at a time. And no one would ever be able to tell her what happened to me. Would never be able to tell her how I died. She would only know that I was not coming home again. And that grieved me more than the thought of not seeing Atlantis fulfill her bright destiny, of not seeing my friends grow and discover something new every day. They would be comforted by their ongoing mission, by each other. But who would my mother have? Only an empty, flag-draped coffin and the thanks of a grateful nation._

Rodney works. It is all he knows how to do. It is the only way he can block out the pain. It is the only way he can stop the endless thought: “This is your fault.”  
"She would have died anyway," he keeps trying to convince himself. But they bought her another day. And because of her they were able to get a ZPM, to save Atlantis. Then turn the Asurans against the Wraith, to buy them more time to escape and heal their wounds.  
Elizabeth is gone, though. She could have at least died here, with them, with friends. And he tries not to think about her in Asuran hands, tries not to think about the nightmares they made him live, tries not to think about the pain and the suffering.  
And though he will never say it out loud, Rodney dearly hopes that Elizabeth died quickly.

  
_I knew who it would be hardest for. I knew he would blame himself. Our first fight had been about not leaving people behind. But that was exactly what I told him to do. And one does not need to be a member of MENSA to know that the needs of Atlantis far outweighed a single life. So he goes out to the balcony, what used to be our balcony, on clear nights, when no one is around to see, and pretends that we can still have our talks._

  
“There you are.”  
“Here I am.”  
“It’s a bit cold out here, John.”  
“I’m fine.”  
“Are you? Because I don’t think you are.”  
“I just needed some fresh air.”  
“You have work to do, John.”  
“Maybe I’m just not ready yet.”  
“You don’t have the luxury of much time.”  
“Please, Elizabeth…”  
_He never turns to look to me, always keeps his gaze to that double-mooned horizon._  
“I’m dead, John. I died the moment we left for Asuras; we just didn’t know it yet.”  
“Dammit, Elizabeth, I am not giving up on you!”  
_How I wish I could take the sadness and guilt from that downcast gaze._  
“I died, John.” _How many times does he need to hear it to believe?_ "I. Died."  
“...I wish you were here.”  
“I wish I was, too. But I’m not. And I never will be again.”  
“We really need you here.”  
“You’ll be alright. I promise.”  
“I’m not ready to do this without you.”  
“Maybe not today. And maybe not tomorrow. But you will be, John. I believe in you. I always have.”  
“…..It should have been me.”  
“No. Atlantis needs you too much. She needs her champion.”  
“It was my job!”  
_Poor, lost John, still struggling to find his place in the universe. Unable to believe that maybe his purpose was not to die for this city. Or me._  
“It was my job first. And I paid the price. Gladly. Now, taking care of Atlantis and her people is your job. And you will be marvelous at it.”  
_He turns now, almost able to see me. Almost able to believe._  
“I’m going to miss you, Elizabeth.”  
“And I you…… Good-bye, John.”  
“….. Good-bye, Elizabeth."

  
_A warm hand, holding my own, distracting me from the unending pain in my head, the fire in every nerve, and the cold steel against my flesh._  
_“Come with me , Elizabeth. You did very well. Time to move on now.”_  
_“Janus?”_  
_“Hello again, Elizabeth.”_  
_“What are you doing here?”_  
_“Atlantis never forgets her own. You should know that by now.”  
"Will it be okay in the end?"  
"I promise."_

~~~A~~~  
  
_My name is Dr Elizabeth Weir. And once, I traveled to a distant galaxy to be the caretaker of the greatest city ever built, who could fly between the stars as easily as she could ride the waves of a vast ocean. Behind every door was new discovery that could change the universe._  
_Its true treasure, though, was the people who lived there. They were the undying heart of Atlantis._  
_Sometimes they stumbled, sometimes they hurt, sometimes they failed._  
_But they always get up again, and they are always brave._  
_And though I am gone, Atlantis and her people will endure._


End file.
